So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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