Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
