Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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