you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
