he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
