I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
