I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize