Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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