I want to have your abortion
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
