why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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