I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
