Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Randomize
