Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
