If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
