Buhtt sex?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have tasted many bathrooms
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
