yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
