Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
high people should be assigned attendants
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
