HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
