Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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