Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My vagina is very pro this idea
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
