Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
