the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize