I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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