that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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