i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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