A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
