This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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