Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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