I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
