Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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