You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
