I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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