My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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