He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm going to jail i love you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
