I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
