You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
