Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
