You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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