I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
