I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
