I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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