You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
