I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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