So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
