I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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