we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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