i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
