watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
