just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
