you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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