we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
