I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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