I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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