just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pants are for mortals
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
