i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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