I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
