i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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