she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
