your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
