You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
