You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
