Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to calm my uterus...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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