Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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