Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
