She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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