you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
