even my farts smell like vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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