Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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