My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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