I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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