Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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