Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize