Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
