Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
