he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think your dad took our porno
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
