I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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