so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Farmville is her only friend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
