The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
