grandma shit on top of the toilet
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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