i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
