this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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