I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
