...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
