grandma shit on top of the toilet
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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